A Story About food

The prompt is OS Fiction “arguing around the dinner table”

I have never tried food blogging, and this is probably one of the very few attempts you will see.  But this year, I have all these OS family that, even though I cannot eat with you, I can share with you.

The calories are fiction, the recipes not, but the rest?The family?  You decide.

Holiday dinners were always an event in the Bobschuch family.   And the food was “Simply Irresistable”

As for Arguments, the second you walk into the door you can expect to be embroiled in an argument. And Holidays were no exception.  It was usually about food and who was the best, worst etc.  Surprisingly we all liked to walk on the “wild side” experimenting, and with good results – most times.

In spite of the fact that our mother did not have “exotic” taste, we all (except Gil) had a flair in any dish put forward.  Mother’s interpretation of exotic was mushrooms, spinach, Brussels sprouts…you get the idea?  Yet we thrived. Grandma had all the family recipes that we could draw from. And change as we delighted.

Oatmeal was garnished with ice cream, nothing was fodder, we found fun and delight in all we cooked.

Every holiday someone did something in spite of mother “Don’t you DARE ruin this meal Mark!” “Marlee, just this once…?”, “Dianne, let your brother and sister cook, they know better”  Mark would laugh at that since I am the one that introduced him and Marlee to cooking.

If you know my family, then humor yourself and read what people have to say on Facebook the day after. You will talk to your self OUT LOUD with laughter. Nothing can be THAT good! But, if you want to be invited back, you had better post SOMETHING, just to stay in good graces with the family. There is no “lukewarm” in this family, you either are or you aren’t part of the inner circle. God forbid anyone straddle the fence. That is a guarantee of accusations of betrayal.

Now, Marlee would undoubtedly agree with Mom. No matter what mother said or did, Marlee would advocate. Mother was her only refuge. Without her, Marlee would have needed to work, and that was not going to happen. And Marlee was a compulsive hoarder of duplicates, triplicates and a lot of stufflicates. If she liked it , mother would buy it in every color, fabric, if food, any flavor. So Marlee had an obvious bent and we all knew it and ignored it.

Marlee was queen of the kitchen, causing the rest of us to find ways to tempt her away from the kitchen so we could share our own tastes. And some of the fairre is definitely worth donning the “mask of delight” for four to sometimes ten hours.

Grandmother brought her specials to the table. The one we loved, but knew “the truth” about was cottage cheese. Grandmother would put her cottage cheese in a lead crystal hand carved bowl, on the table, slapping hands that tried to steal a spoonful before everyone sat down. We Loooovvvved her cottage cheese.

Grandma, that is so fattening” more than one of us would accuse.

“Ahhhhh, (in her best Mad TV Lorraine rasp) it is not. It’s cottage cheese”

Grandma’s cottage cheese recipe

  • One carton Cottage cheese, any brand as long as it is from Wisconsin
  • One package cream cheese (ok Philadelphia has Wisconsin on that one)
  • Chopped or dried onions…to taste
  • 1/8 cup chives
  • Grated garlic, to taste
  • 1/8 cup of whipping cream

Soften cream cheese, if necessary, put in the microwave for 30 seconds. Fold in onions with a mixer, chives and garlic (I usually use 1 head of Garlic, or appx. 8 cloves) into cream cheese, adding whipping cream slowly for consistency (remember, once chilled it will thicken, but be careful not to add too much.)

Once creamy, fold evenly into cottage cheese and there you have it, a low fat wonderful side.

So I lie, this is fiction …, at least some of it is.

Whomever was not in the kitchen fighting over what was to be part of the faire and what was not, was assigned to table duty.

And a pristine table it was. Fitz and Floyd china china (funny story there. Father had given mother the gift of new china one year for her birthday.  He had the clerk show her several patterns, but not the price.  Mother chose a beautiful pattern, and all was well with the world, until she saw the price. The clerk had left the label book on the counter while arrangement s for pay, and delivery were made. Mother noticed the china she chose was one of the least expensive. She changed her mind, she really wanted the Fitz and Floyd, the most expensive.)

Her special crystal, accrued through many visits to the Wisconsin Dells

wine , each goblet a different color.

 Individual salt and pepperssaltnpeppa and washbowls, linens and every other unnecessary item to acquire nourishment.

The turkey was Mark’s domain, when Mark was home. And mother wanted her special dressing, which was nice, savory, but folks you have not had dressing until you taste Marks

The very dressing Mother would scream fowl – literally.

Mark’s dressing:

  • Eckridge farm dry dressing crumbs, 2 large bags. Or as Mark would do it, buy two long loaves of French bread, break into small pieces and dry over night.)
  • Eckridge sausage, 16 ounces
  • Chestnuts nuts appx ½ pound (cross cut the top of each one, put on a baking tray and heat at 450 for about 15 minutes, watch so as not to burn. Peel each one, then chop) If you cannot find chestnuts, do without, but I promise, they add a wonderful flavor and texture.
  • Water chestnuts – 2 cans thinly sliced
  • I large red onion
  • One large yellow onion
  • One bunch green onions
  • Four stalks celery
  • ½ pound of butter
  • Turkey broth (boil the gizzard, liver, heart and neck until cooked, use the heart, gizzard and liver chopped up in the dressing), hopefully yielding 2 cups.
  • Parsley, sage rosemary and thyme to your personal taste

Melt butter in a large pot deep enough to add all the ingredients.  Chop all the items  to small pieces adding to the butter. Add the liver, heart and gizzard DO NOT USE THE NECK! Too many bones.  When all is browned, but not pulpy, add the breadcrumbs to the buttery mix. Toss with a large spoon. When all evenly coated, add the broth slowly until you get a nice consistency.

Keep in mind, the juices from the turkey will co mingle and make it sloppy, so stay just a tiny bit on the dry side, but not too dry.

Clean your bird. I will not give you poundage, because that is determined by the people you have invited.  Wash the cavity well, don’t use soap, I know, why would someone do that, but it has happened.  Stuff both the hind AND the neck cavity with stuffing.  Slap the skin over the neck, the legs should already have one of those metal hinges.  You can struggle with that, but it will work eventually.

Take the remainder and put in a casserole dish. As the Turkey bakes, cyphen off some of the gravy and add to the dressing. Bake the dressing during the time the bird is sitting out of the oven cooling.  Once the bird is done, immediately remove all the dressing, add it to the left over dressing, or put it in it’s own dish.

You will fall into euphoria when eating this dish. I promise, it is decadent.

Mother screams and waddles to the kitchen pulling out her cornbread mixture and while cussing puts together a last minute “save”. No need for the recipe, it’s on the package

Now, the bird. Don’t want it dry. If you are a family that does not want the dressing in the bird, the following is a sure way to make certain the bird is not dry.

But use this, whether you stuff it or not.

At the store, they have injectable mixes from Tony Cachere’s Marinade-Roasted-17oz-LG or Zatarin.. I like the butter and garlic. And that injector good for a long time.

On the stove I melt a half pound of butter and add the Tony Cachere’ (or Zatarin’s) mix. Some people like garlic A LOT. Me. I like Garlic a lot.  So I add extra to the melted simmered butter mix.

Before the bird goes in, inject the legs, breast, between the legs, any place that could be construed as an erotic zone, ok, just any place. Do this often during the baking process. An injected bird is the BEST bird.

I hope you saved some of that whipping cream for the gravy. 

Cyphen off as much of the clear drippings as possible,  Put in a saucepan and warm up adding about a tablespoon of flour.  If it is lumpy, or seperating, use your egg beater to smooth it out.  Use the egg beater anyhow, it makes a richer gravy.  Add whipping cream to thin.  If you run out, use milk.  You will want to drink that gravy out of a cup.

 Other non-fattening tips.

Take half your mash potatoes and add sour cream and a little garlic.  Ymmmmmnmmmmummmmm

Yams, add some granola cereal to the top before baking.

Everything is then set at the table, the proper bitching in direct correlation to the compliments.  But there is a certain silence when all agree silently, even long after the prayer, that this is by far a “to die for meal.”

And desert. Do you really think pumpkin pie does the trick? Take your favorite cheesecake recipe and add pumpkin pie filling.

I make a chocolate silk pie that is equal to none. And it is fat free!!! NOT!pie and it will look ten times better than this picture.

Make pudding according to directions, adding the Ovaltine after it has set.  Add powdered sugar to the whipping cream and whip just past topping consistency, but not quite butter consistency. Set half aside  Soften cream cheese and with an electric beater fold in set pudding, and whipping cream.

Pour into graham cracker pie pan, or make your own. I use macadamia nuts and Oreos, pulverizing them, adding just a scoche of butter to make it moldable. I then use a pie pan, pressing into the concoction into the sides and bottom with my fingers.

Use the remainder of the whipping cream on the top and garnish with slivered chocolate,

You can use any leftover filling in pudding cups

Chill for 2 hours before serving.

Now, you are going to look at the following recipe and say NO-WAY. I am not going to cook OR eat this. I felt the same the first time I watched them being prepared. My daughter was adamnent, she wanted nothing to do with them.

Well…the first time they were made in my kitchen, after the first batch was removed and set to cool in the kitchen, they disappeared, just that fast. My daughter had taken ALL of them, and ate ALL o them. She lay on her bed grossed out by her deed, but begged for more.

Christmas oatmeal cookies:

Use your favorite Oatmeal Cookie recipe, the Oatmeal package has it on the side.

(Now, I finally found out what that horrid gelled fruit for Fruitcakes is actually good for.)

Yes, add 1 package (about 12 ounces) of mixed dried candied fruit to the oatmeal mix.

When putting them on the pan, make sure to MASH them down, or you will have cookie balls, not cooked all the way thru. Bake them according to directions, but watch the first batch. Your oven will tell you the length of time they need to cook.

Please, make at least one batch, I promise, you will be sooooo happy you did.oatmeal cookies

As for the dinner table, everyone had a joke, an argument, a disagreement, a loved remembrance. All had a wonderful meal and left feeling happy all over again.

And I STRONGLY suggest you make the cookies. Or else someone else will and THEY will be the talk of the holidays.

And…after all, what you disgrace your body with calories, you will make up in fighting Cholesteral.


And now other OS fiction:

Phyllis45  A squabble at the table

Natsuki Kimura  A creepy steak dinner

Zanelle  A Special Dinner

Blind dream  The Gathering

Ash la science de gueule

Seth James The Proposal

Fingers Lakes Wanderer Argument at Dinner

And another story, not fiction, but I like it: 

James Emmerling The Alpha and Omega in the House of Shadows

©   These recipes are for sharing.  Reprinting is only available with the permission of the author Dianne Schuch Lindsey



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